Tamila's 13!!!!!!

I HAVE TWO TEENAGERS IN MY HOUSE!

HELP!

Either that makes me old, or just teetering on the precipice of insanity. What used to be fights about toys and whose turn it is, are rapidly evolving into who gets the car and whose turn it is to fill the tank. Geepers. Life was much simpler when they were in diapers. They were easier then. A diaper, a bottle and a smile from mom was all they needed. We used to spend our mornings at Disneyland and our weekends with friends. Slowly, but surely the insidious beast of time grew to take those simple things away.

Gone is the free time. We haven't been to Disneyland in two years and couldn't find the time if you paid us.

Gone is the simplicity of their needs...they want to know things about quadratic equations and who the prime minister of India is.

Gone are the cheap days of diapers and formula. In are the days of big random school fees and the draining of my wallet every time they walk in the door.

Gone is the ability to just pick up and go. Now we have to balance everything between schedules and school projects.

I miss the easier days and I know that someday they'll return. Unfortunately, they'll return with a quiet house with just two older people in it looking at each other wondering what to do next. However, I don't think that dilemma will last long:

With abandon we'll hit the road, with our bag full of adult diapers and bottles of fortification, go to Disneyland and actually go on a ride together. We'll congratulate each other on surviving it all and be thankful that we did it together...I hope.

After all, that's 14 years away!


--Laurel

Wasted Gifts

We all have our own specific gifts...or shall I say, "ailments": trick knees, bad backs, chronic sinusitis. It's almost as if when we were born God said, "Ah...give him a bad back--those seem to be really popular things to have. As for her, give her bad allergies--it'll keep her humble when snot goes flying out of her nose at inopportune times."

Well ladies and gentlemen...Travis has an specific "gift" that attacks him and only him.

It's the ailment of too long eyelashes.

Every other month or so, we'll hear a shrieking blood curdling scream from somewhere in the house and know instantly what has happened. Travis has poked himself in the eye again with his own eyelash. Grabbing him, we wrestle his hands away from his face and pull the lids apart to pull the offending lash from his eye. When this is accomplished, the whole world goes back to its usual humdrum order and life is peaceful again. (At least until next time.)

I see this ailment as an injustice though...how come the boys always get the long eyelashes? They'll never appreciate the great gift that long lashes are. Guys will never know the agony of finding the perfect mascara or waking up with raccoon eyes...or even worse, poking yourself in the eye with a mascara wand. Sheesh!

Oh well.

I'm sure God thinks it's funny. He does have a devious sense of humor you know.

--Laurel

Austin1, Mom 1

Hah!
We're tied up now.
Mukasey doesn't have a seizure problem its Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. (A point that Austin brought up this afternoon--he corrected himself.)
I gave myself a point because I deserve it.
He still gets a point because he knows who Mukasey is and that someone in power out there has a seizure problem.
Yes...vindication is mine. I may not be smarter than my kid, but he's still fallible!

--Laurel

Austin 1, Mom 0

Austin loves politics and current events.

He knows anything and everything.

He'll talk your ear off for hours about Russian/American relations...or any other political relation you can think of.

I should've known better to think that I knew something he didn't. Apparently Michael Mukasey the Attorney General collapsed tonight while giving a speech. When I picked Austin up from practice I told him that someone named Mukasy had collapsed. (For a moment I was hopeful that he wouldn't remember who he was...it's good to one up your kids once in a while!) Without a pause he said..."Oh yeah, he's the Attorney General. If I remember right he has a seizure disorder and has collapsed a few times before. I think his first name is Robert."

Hah! He was wrong! The guy's name is Michael! Austin's excuse was that he gets Robert Gates mixed up with Mukasey all the time. Now who the heck is Robert Gates?

(I just looked it up and found that he's the Secretary of Defense.)

Oh well. I guess I tried. Austin 1, Mom 0.

--Laurel

Discoveries

Here are a few things I've discovered in the last couple of weeks:

* Running head first into your Suburban's tailgate will give you a nice headache the next day. Don't do it--it's not worth the pain. It doesn't impress your husband either.

* Anti-Viral Kleenex does not make a good toilet paper replacement. Believe me...it contains citric acid. Need I say more?

* Hunting down a screeching cricket at 1:30 in the morning is not wise--especially when said cricket jumps down your shirt. Not only will you end up with a case of the willies, but now you're too wired to sleep and the escaped cricket will sound even louder with each saw of its legs.

I'm sure there are more bits of wisdom floating around in my head, but whacking my head on the Suburban will keep it that way for a while. (That and getting 4 hours of sleep after being up with sick kids all night.) I'll keep you posted if I learn anything else worthwhile.

--Laurel

R.I.P. Rex

Rex the goldfish apparently couldn't handle the Baker life. He only lasted two days. Thank goodness he cost us a measly buck.

We're holding out on his friend Perry before we buy anymore fish.

So the saga continues...

-Laurel

Nick the Fish

Oh! Dearly departed Nick the fish,
Only four weeks in our house did you exist.

Up in your bowl on the bathroom counter placed,
Swimming circles in your own private race.

Your viewing material questionable at best,
You saw humanity daily on the pot to rest.

Poor Poor Nick the Fish!
Your days were truly numbered!

Whence your food jar fell into your bowl,
No one saw to prevent your deadly slumber.

Your glazed eyes and slacked mouth,
With a prayer we sent you flushing south.

Now that you're gone,
We will press on.
We're not ones to mourn or tary.
Please meet your new replacements...two goldfish: Rex and Perry.

--Laurel
(Bakerpressbox is not responsible for any bad reactions to atrocious amateur poetry.)

Threading the Gauntlet

Don't get me wrong, I love helping out the VFW by buying a poppy, donating food to the Boy Scouts, helping out the Girl Scouts, as well as occasionaly donating money at the store for a good cause. Just don't pounce on me all at once. To enter Albertson's today I had to threat a gauntlet of all four charitable causes. Yikes!

Talk about oversaturation of a market! It caused me to wonder, who should I single out to help? I answered the ethical problem by walking away and not donating to any one of them. I know I'm not a scrooge, but I'm not made of gold either. I can only handle one cause at a time; therefore, I decided to buy a poppy from the VFW tomorrow. However, this decision doesn't assuage the guilt that I have from deserting them all.

Sigh. I guess you can't win them all.

--Laurel

Cheap Entertainment

On a whim the boys and I made paper airplanes this evening.

They've been playing with them non-stop for the past hour. No major fights have broken out. No one has lost an eye. No furniture has been broken.

I like this.

To top it off, they cost less than a penny a piece. If only that's all they wanted for Christmas I'd be set!

-Laurel

Surrender...

Austin has won the battle. Last night Billy and I started to fall asleep on the couch at 9:30 while Austin was still typing away at the computer working on a presentation for English. Knowing we were beat, Billy and I didn't even put up a fight and went to bed at 9:40. 9:40! We've given up on trying to outlast him--there's no way we'll ever win.

When did we become the snoring old parents on the couch? By the time they're all gone they'll already have us trained to eat our dinner at 5 and sleeping by 8. Not only have the kids taken my waistline they've taken my nightlife as well.

Kids these days...

--Laurel

Splat Dejavue

For those of you who are faithful readers of the Baker Press Box, you may remember a post from last January entitled "Splat!"...otherwise known as Travis' famous sneezing incident. (Just in case you didn't catch it the first time, here's the link.) Well, today I encounted "Splat!" dejavue.

Travis was a bit under the weather the other day with a sinus headache and a mild fever. His eyes were getting a bit puffier as the days went on, but there was no evidence of drainage...at least not until this morning when I sat down at the computer. Apparently he had taken it upon himself to sneeze all over the keyboard, leaving yellow slimy goo behind. Unfortunately, I didn't discover this fact until I put my hands on it.

Eewwwwwww!

There was no denying what the evidence claimed, Travis was my culprit. So now we have a disinfected keyboard and Travis is feeling much better. I, on the other hand, will never look at my keyboard the same.

--Laurel